haven't written anything in about a month. perhaps because i haven't spoken to anyone in about that much time.

today i did something, setup the computer for the superintendent of the building. i hope he can help me fix the apartment a bit.

but even just going out and fixing thing for free for people would be an improvement over what i'm doing now - nothing...

i also went to the park and read my new linux book a bit. the relaxed environment helped me notice i'm incredibly tense near the throat, center of the chest. and that i have trouble concentrating. i was happier and more attentive when i was setting up the computer for robert.

i keep reading the news as if some great good news would come that would help my situation somehow. of course it doesn't and problably never will.

saturday i went to party with my sister. it has been a very long time since i go anywhere, so it was sort of a change. just clearing up some clothes was tough already. i couldn't find them.

i feel that i can't get excited, happy. but once getting there i did feel better and didn't have to avoid it, or worry about it.